Archive for August, 2007

I Often Wonder…

What it is about me and my son that makes us butt heads so much? Are we so similar in our personalities that we are constantly fighting to be right/first/heard? I would give him anything within my means and I still feel like I’ll always hit that brick wall face first.

Like, take bedtime. I just went up there, at 10:45PM to put him to bed. Honestly, I do believe that’s quite late for a 6 year old. But, I let the kids have a little ‘sleepover’ in his room. She’s been out for at least an hour. So, I tell him it’s now time to stop watching movies and go to bed. He’s been outside ALL day, he’s been up since 7AM and he still doesn’t want to go to bed anymore than he did at 8PM. So, of course I get the 2 year old tantrum. Same one I got when she wanted to go outside and he didn’t, when she got to go meet her teacher and he couldn’t come along. What the heck? Honestly, a kid does not need to get his own way 100% of the time and I just don’t seem to get through to him on this.

There are other moments of course when he’s the most well-mannered and thoughtful little guy a mom could possibly ask for. Or when he’s just having a great day and plays and does things without argument. But the tantrums, when he has them, even the small ones are just so difficult. I ask him what’s wrong, I try so hard to get him to just talk to me and I fail every time. Why?

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Yard Work

I worked on the yard all day long… I’m tired and so very, very sore. The biggest pain I’m having being my right wrist and hand. I can just feel it throbbing and both my hands are swollen. That’s what I get for trying to tame 30 year old shrubbery that hasn’t been maintained at all by any prior owner. And, of course, for trying to dig up the bricks and stepping stones buried in the yard. For raking and removing all the mess I made. You get the point. I’m wondering if I should try and dig up some IcyHot before bed to try and make this hand feel better. I could have serious problems at work tomorrow if I’m in this much pain still. The sad thing is that you can barely tell I did anything out there. Other than the fact that our walkway isn’t overgrown with weeds and we can drive the Jeep past the shrubs without scraping them, it all still looks like crap.

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Last Day of Work Looms Ahead

My last day at the bank is Friday. I don’t know how to feel about that. I was so excited, literally bouncng around the house, when I was offered the position and now just 5 months later I’m leaving. Returning to the life of stay-at-home mom, something I didn’t think I’d ever do again. I had been quite determined for awhile to be “somebody”. Not just mom, but somebody who did something during the day. And while bank telling isn’t some fabulous job I could gloat about or anything, it was something. It was a start. Just like going to school for cosmetology was a start, a stepping stone.

I look back at staying home the first time around and realize I was completely unprepared for it. I didn’t really know myself then, and I’m not sure I know myself even now. I don’t know if ‘domestic engineer’ is the path I’m supposed to take, yet I can’t seem to find a suitable alternative. I want my kids to have me accessible and available when they need me, yet I yearn to have that something else just for me. A place where I’m not known as just “mom”.

I know that staying with them has it’s rewards, they just don’t look good on a resume. And I know that eventually I’ll look back on the days when they needed and wanted me and wish they were back, but for now I’m a bit melancholy at the prospect of going back to the mom role and leaving work behind.

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The Patience of a Saint

Boy, is that something I wish I had. I tried so hard to deal with the tantrums and tempers in a positive and soothing way and by bedtime I’d lost the battle. I’ll keep trying for sure, but it’s so darn hard. What makes it worse is that I know it’s just boredom and when I offer fun things to relieve some of the boredom I’m turned down rudely. Why do kids not come with instruction booklets? I could use one right about now. Just six more days until the start of school…I think I might be able to handle 6 more…at least I hope I can.

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What would I wish for?

If I had just two wishes, I wonder what I’d wish for? You know if it actually came about that I had two wishes, I’m sure I wouldn’t know exactly what to ask for. Afterall, in most movies where wishes come true isn’t their usually an ugly side to the wish? Like you end up with a friend in the world, or something along those lines? I’d have to say my biggest wish would probably just be for the health and happiness of my adorable kiddos.

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So, this is what I say…

This is my spot. I don’t really know what will happen here yet.

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