I’m living with a lot of regret right now. The specifics aren’t really important, but the fact that it’s bearing down on me so hard is making life difficult. They say that you shouldn’t regret the past because it was exactly what you wanted when you did/said it, but I really believe that I made poor decisions without thinking them through and have forever altered my future in an unappealing way. The hardest part is that those decisions and actions have affected my children so directly and changed their futures in ways I never imagined.
In the face of all the regret I have decisions to make. Large decisions that feel like the weight of the world on my shoulders. Decisions that will again alter and affect the future in ways that I’m not able to predict, though I would think that having learned so much in the last few years I’d make the right decisions this time. Who is to say what the right decision ever is? Even deciding which road to take on a small trip to the grocery store could forever alter your future. It’s just what makes this world so damn unpredictable.
I’m scared that I’ll do the wrong thing. I’m afraid of what the ramifications will be to those I love. I’m worried about what others will think (not that I should be, but I am). I’m terrified that it’s no longer possible to do damage control and make smooth transitions. I’m just so sad.
So Jessa Said... 
extraordinarymommy said
Most of the things that come to mind for me as I was reading your post might sound trite…but I hope you find peace with the decisions you need to make now. Without knowing any specifics, I am confident that the amount of energy you are putting into trying to make the best decisions for your family will lead you in the right direction. I clearly don’t know you at all, but was sad reading your post and hope that you have the support of those you love. Good luck!
Jess said
I’m really sorry that you’re feeling so sad. I agree with you that there is no real way of knowing what the right decision is but that when you make a decision it usually becomes the right one because it steers your life in that direction. I’m sure that whatever decision you make will wind up being the right one. Good luck.
Jennifer said
Your post is incredibly sad, and yet these are words I hear over and over in my office. I can feel your deep sadness, and still I’m compelled to remind you how everything DOES happen for a reason, and in perfect order. But you already know that, don’t you? It’s just that you’re IN the situation now, and you’re finding it hard to be int he Now moment, when you’re so focused on past and future moments.
You think you did things without thinking them through, which is probably true on a conscious level. But subconsciously, you were 100% there. You are now living in a pool of GUILT because of other people, not because of what you felt, in THAT moment, in your heart. And while it may seem like that past has totally altered your future (and it has), how has it altered you for the better? And, what is there to learn in this moment? I wish you luck…
Jennifer R.