Last Day of Work Looms Ahead

My last day at the bank is Friday. I don’t know how to feel about that. I was so excited, literally bouncng around the house, when I was offered the position and now just 5 months later I’m leaving. Returning to the life of stay-at-home mom, something I didn’t think I’d ever do again. I had been quite determined for awhile to be “somebody”. Not just mom, but somebody who did something during the day. And while bank telling isn’t some fabulous job I could gloat about or anything, it was something. It was a start. Just like going to school for cosmetology was a start, a stepping stone.

I look back at staying home the first time around and realize I was completely unprepared for it. I didn’t really know myself then, and I’m not sure I know myself even now. I don’t know if ‘domestic engineer’ is the path I’m supposed to take, yet I can’t seem to find a suitable alternative. I want my kids to have me accessible and available when they need me, yet I yearn to have that something else just for me. A place where I’m not known as just “mom”.

I know that staying with them has it’s rewards, they just don’t look good on a resume. And I know that eventually I’ll look back on the days when they needed and wanted me and wish they were back, but for now I’m a bit melancholy at the prospect of going back to the mom role and leaving work behind.

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