Bank account totals
Negative balance frightens
Better get fixed fast!

So, I went online to check out how my bank account was doing. I love online banking, but I usually dread seeing how little is actually available in my account. I knew I had two checks outstanding and figured I had about $15 to spare.

I get logged in and the first thought that entered my mind was, “What the fuck happened?”. (I know I’m usually more censored, I apologize) Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saintly, I’ve certainly over drafted my account, and even by a couple hundred dollars in worse years, but when I saw -949.16 I almost peed in my pants. I quickly clicked for account information fearing I’d absentmindedly forgotten about some large check floating out there. We just paid property taxes so it would do us in to have a big boo-boo like that.

My child support check bounced.

This has never happened before. My ex-husband is actually very punctual and quite good-humored about the money he has to fork over for our two adorable little munchkins. I won’t say the exact amount he pays, but you can probably guess by the figure above that it’s a substantial sum every two weeks.

I immediately got on the phone to call him and shockingly enough got him right away. It’s the workday so sometimes I get left trying to leave a message when his voicemail is full…this would not be the time for that. I get right to the point and let him know he owes me $949.16. He’s puzzled (obviously) and asks me what the deal is and the following conversation ensues:

Me: It bounced!

Him: That’s not possible. (He starts pulling up his online banking.)

Me: Well, it says right here ‘Returned for NSF’. It was the 2nd try.

Him: There’s enough in my account to cover it.

Me: Regardless, you owe me $949.16.

So, you get the point, we kind of went back and forth on that dollar amount and the fact that his check had indeed bounced for a few minutes. He immediately offers to overnight me a check via FedEx (not cheap) to which I initially agree and we get off the phone.

Almost immediately I call my husband who asks me what fees the bank is going to charge me, and if the 25 or so transactions that went through on that bounced check are going to be…gasp…NSF’d now too. I freak again and recall the ex-husband about this. He’s not sure either, so he offers to Western Union the money before 4PM when my bank goes on next business day.

Okay, so I’m kinda cool now, but I call the bank. This is the bank I worked at earlier in 2007 and I ask for my old super cause she pretty much knows everything. She looks at the account and probably almost pees her pants at my negative balance and tells me she doesn’t see anything. Then she says she’ll have Barb take a look for me just in case something has tried to go through.

Alright, fine, feeling better. The ex-husband calls and needs address information; which for the record he should have because I swear I’ve given it to him 1000 times, but I think he’s too lazy to use his fancy phone/palm pilot/camera/MP3 player to look it up. Then he asks for my account number and I want to know what’s going on. Turns out it’s almost $93 to Western Union such a sum of money so he’s doing a wire transfer. To which I freak because I know this bank has a huge fee on transfers; alright not huge, but more than I can cover. So, he says he’ll add a bit more to the original amount just to cover any fees I might incur.

Transaction finished I keep tabs on my account and finally around 2PM I again had a positive checking balance. Phew. I could breathe again. The bank called back too and there weren’t any NSF’s going through on my account so I wouldn’t get any other huge fees tacked on.

I’m thankful for the end result and that my ex-husband is on top of his support of our children. If I’d been stuck with some dead beat I could have been in a real fight to get that money back or to ever get that sort of fee paid off in time for that last check or two to clear.


  1. anglophilefootballfanatic said

    Wow. That’s kinda scary. I would pee my pants if that happened. You handled it remarkably well.
    Happy belated haiku Friday.

  2. Leslie said

    Holy shit Batman!

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