I’m living with a lot of regret right now. The specifics aren’t really important, but the fact that it’s bearing down on me so hard is making life difficult. They say that you shouldn’t regret the past because it was exactly what you wanted when you did/said it, but I really believe that I made poor decisions without thinking them through and have forever altered my future in an unappealing way. The hardest part is that those decisions and actions have affected my children so directly and changed their futures in ways I never imagined.
In the face of all the regret I have decisions to make. Large decisions that feel like the weight of the world on my shoulders. Decisions that will again alter and affect the future in ways that I’m not able to predict, though I would think that having learned so much in the last few years I’d make the right decisions this time. Who is to say what the right decision ever is? Even deciding which road to take on a small trip to the grocery store could forever alter your future. It’s just what makes this world so damn unpredictable.
I’m scared that I’ll do the wrong thing. I’m afraid of what the ramifications will be to those I love. I’m worried about what others will think (not that I should be, but I am). I’m terrified that it’s no longer possible to do damage control and make smooth transitions. I’m just so sad.
So Jessa Said... 