Archive for religion

Life Uncertainly

Ever feel like the only certain thing about your entire life is that you are entirely uncertain what will happen next? That life is uncertainly what you make it? That’s a bit how my life has been for the last couple of years. Every time it seems the sun will break through the clouds, the next catastrophe hits and once again I’m back at the beginning. And I really don’t believe in luck. I don’t think I’m so entirely unlucky that everything I try to do will backfire, I just don’t think what I try to do works. Like I’ve been trying to reinvent the wheel and have been completely unsuccessful; get what I’m saying? Not that I’d literally try to reinvent the wheel, but well…you know….

So, I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because it seems no matter how hard my husband and I work towards things we always end up going backwards more than we go forward. And when you are trying to work towards better things for yourself and your family, that’s easily a frustrating way to have things turn out. I can’t even count the number of times we’ve thought, “Well, at least this will be a good month” and then BAM….something to blow a good month right out of the water. That would frustrate you too right? I’m not just a big whiny baby am I?

Besides money being a real pain in the ass, it just seems that life in general never goes how we’d like or the way we plan. If we want A it’s almost assured we’ll have to settle for C or even D. Why is that? I really wonder if maybe it’s some kind of cosmic thing…bad kharma possibly? Whatever it is, I’m not liking it much. I’m ready to throw in the proverbial towel and just sit back and watch it all crumble. Then I’ll rebuild because perhaps I’ll get it right then.

I know that every choice that’s made, every action that’s taken leads to something else; cause and effect. That makes total sense. I just don’t know why all my actions and choices are not leading to the effects I’d like to see in my life. I see it working for others all the time. When, however, shall it be my families turn? I mean do I really need to sit down and pray? Some would say I do. (And speaking of prayer, I never did go to church...I’m a sassy girl…I chickened out!) Should I donate more to others, help people more in need with volunteer time? I’d love to volunteer but only if they like small children. And, if I had more (insert here) I’d gladly donate it to a cause, charity or person. I give my clothes to Goodwill. I let the kids drop spare change in donation buckets. I’ve gotten toys for Toys for Tots. I really am a nice person who wants to help others. Now, if I could help myself…well then, I’d be quite happy.

I guess I really have no point to this. I’m just purely frustrated at moving one step forward and three steps back. I’m sick and tired of it. I’d like things to go more smoothly and I’m not quite sure how to make that happen short of taking over someone else’s identity. And, that I do believe is quite illegal and I’d prefer my future didn’t include any jail time. I would prefer to meet my grandchildren without bars.

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Something Is Missing

You know how you get this feeling when there is something essential missing from your life? I’m having that feeling lately. Like although life could always be better in some way that their is an essential piece to the puzzle that I don’t have right now. Shockingly enough, I have a feeling that missing link is church.

I was baptized Lutheran as an infant and went occasionally to services and Sunday School. Strict, organized religion is not for me; no matter how many times I’ll go to hell for admitting such things. When I was married to my first husband we attended his families Church of Christ services. While that seemed to work for awhile I ended up feeling out of place and somewhat confused.

For a number of years now I’ve pretty much ignored going to church. I have let the kids attend Sunday School at my mom’s church on an infrequent basis, but that’s about as regular as it’s gotten. So…where does one start when one has nothing to go on? How does one get back into a “church life” when you don’t even know what you believe or where you belong.

I’ve definitely considered going back into the Lutheran church to ‘appease’ my mom, but it doesn’t feel right. I want to go to a church where I feel most comfortable. I’ve also considered a community church, something non-denominational, but for whatever reason that too just doesn’t seem right. So, my mother and father-in-law have started attending Unitarian Universalist services. I questioned her about them and they seem to enjoy it. We have one congregation here in town and the whole premise of UU appeals to me.

They have an open minded policy. Followers are welcome to share any thought, feeling, need with the church community and not feel disregarded or left out. They have special classes for the kids and they are a welcome part of the actual church service. All in all, it’s a place where technically speaking everyone should fit in. So, I’m going to give it a try. For those interested, the principles of the UU church are as follows:

1. The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
2. Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
3. Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
4. A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
5. The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
6. The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
7. Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

The next service is 10AM January 13th and I fully intend to be there, children in tow to see what it’s all about. After all, I can’t let an essential piece of myself go missing for too long.

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