I Smoked Today

For the first time in 19 days I smoked an entire cigarette. I was careful to take small drags so I wouldn’t make myself sick. I’ll tell you, it wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. I really almost went and bought an entire pack because of all the stress I’m under.

Stress Situation #1 — My medication situation came to a head when I found out that the pharmacy where my prescription sits wants $311 to fill it. What the hell? For ONE medication? That’s ludicrous if you want my own little opinion on things. So, I found that Walmart (as usual) has it cheaper, $174, and if I steal from the kids’ savings, I can have my meds. How sad is that? Being uninsured means that I have to take what little I manage to save for their future in order to ensure my own sanity right now. I feel pathetic for that.

Stress Situation #2 — Financially, this month has been really bad.

Well, whatever, so I smoked today and that’s really the topic I’m meaning to get at. I’m not sure I want to quit smoking or that I should. Life is so unbearably stressful right now due to circumstances beyond any control. It’s awful and I wonder if I made an unwise choice to just let them go before considering all the consequences of that action. After 19 days you’d think I’d rather just keep going, but I have my regrets.


  1. Rick said

    Weird coincidence – I’m on day 3 of not using tobacco and I found your blog by accident. BEST OF LUCK!

    I’ve “tagged” your blog randomly to play “Name 7 Celebrities You Have Met” or “Name 7 Weird Things About Yourself.” It’s just a goofy game and if things like this irritate you, please ignore me!

  2. Kathryn said

    Ugh. I’m so sorry you are having a hard time. All the drug companies can go to hell. It is insane what they charge for people to be healthy. My mom’s cancer medicine is about $6500 a month. Luckily, her insurance covers about 85% of that, but that is still insane, isn’t it?
    I hope your week gets better.

  3. Jessa said

    $6500/month? That’s ludicrous! The drug company does offer help, but because of our income (which really should be enough KWIM?) we can’t get help from them or the state. It’s not so much fun swimming in debt.

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